THE END

it's really over. between you and me.

jadi hari Jumat yang lalu, iyaa ini kejadiannya udah lumayan lama, tanggal 26 Juli 2013, aku udah ngerasa ga enak badan dari siang, demam. dan malemnya aku mutusin buat tidur cepet, soalnya besok paginya aku masih harus masuk kantor. aku kebangun jam setengah 3an, dan ntah kenapa aku langsung kepikiran zikri. di pikiran aku, malem itu aku harus minta kepastian dari dia, harus minta kejelasan. jadilah tanpa pikir panjang aku telpon dia.

pertama aku telpon ke nomer m3 nya, ga diangkat juga. aku coba telpon ke simpatinya, tetep ga diangkat. awalnya, aku udah mikir, yaiyalah ga diangkat, ini jam berapa coba. yasudah, aku iseng nyalain laptop trus buka email. and guess what? there's one new mail, from him. dengan hati deg2an aku buka emailnya, isinya gini..

hey there,
how are you ??
i'm so sorry for ignoring you all this time, really
i just don't know what shold i say after all the horrible things i did
to you ;'((
but i beg you,please don't expect anything from me
i don't want you to wait for a man who didn't deserve you
you're a strong, brave, kind, and a good girl, i always know that ;'))
so i'm sure you'll be allright even without me, promise
you'll find happiness :))
we're still family, at least that what i feel
but for now, just live our life well, okay ? :))
i have my life here, and you have yours there, separated
if we destined, maybe someday we'll meet again, in every possible way
just promise me one thing, live your life well and always smile ;'))
and i'll become a man you'll be proud of :'))
p.s every time i read your email, message, chat or anyhing, i still
cried, a lot..

aku langsung ketar ketir. firasat aku bener kan ternyata. makanya aku langsung telponin lagi nomer simpatinya, ga diangkat juga. setelah beberapa kali, malah dia matiin hpnya. dari situ emosi aku muncak. aku watsap dia, aku keluarin semua yang ada di otak aku selama ini. kenapa aku diginiin, kenapa dia yang dulu susahnya bareng2 aku tapi sekarang ketika udah sukses gamau lagi ada aku di sampingnya, ahh aku lupa apa aja yang aku keluarin waktu itu :|

setelah nunggu beberapa lama, akhirnya dia ngebales. nyuruh aku tenang segala macem, tapi omongannya muter2. aku paksa terus, dan akhirnya dia ngeluarin statement gini, "i dont want a relationship, but i'm falling in love with someone else. yes i love her".

dari situ aku langsung bertekad bulat, yes, i let you go this time. no more me, who crying over you, who holding onto you, no more!

and in the end of our convo that night, dia tiba-tiba bilang gini, "minta alamat rumah dong, zk kemaren beli conan, i think i'll give it to you, since you're a conan mania"

disitu aku langsung ketawa, hey jauh di lubuk hatinya yang paling dalam, dia masih nginget aku. ngapain coba dia beli conan, dia ga ngoleksi, dia ga terlalu suka conan. aku yang ngoleksi conan, dan aku yang sangat sangat suka sama conan.

one more, waktu kita zipper day-an tgl 24 sebelumnya, aku ngirim email ke dia kan ya, dan di email itu aku selipin lagu Mirror yang versi Boyce Avenue feat Fifth Harmony, kayanya sih dia baru baca tanggal 25 nya, pas banget di malem itu, aku baru balik, dan baru buka twitter via web, ada twit dari dia di paling atas "lagu pengantar tidur malem ini: Boyce Avenue feat Fifth Harmony - Mirror :))"

waktu itu aku langsung nangis. yaaa, perasaan aku di lagu itu sampe banget ke dia, dan aku seneng. tapi maksud doi apaaa? waktu malem itu, aku masih berasa kaya diombang ambing.

tapi ketika malem kita akan menyudahi semuanya itu, tau dia yang masih peduli sama hal-hal kecil yang berhubungan dengan aku, aku udah bisa ketawa. lucu aja gitu, ngeliat dia yang pura-puranya ga sengaja beli conan, trus tau-tau pengen ngasih ke aku aja karena dia inget aku suka ama conan, haha lucu! dan pas aku bilang gausah, dia bales lagi gini, "gapapa, daripada zk cuma punya satu disini".

see? dia ga punya conan sama sekali, buat apa coba dia beli, kalo ga karena emang dari awal dia niat ngasiin itu ke aku, hahha :')

yasudahlah, cerita aku ama zikri bener2 berakhir sekarang. aku udah ngapus nomernya, unfol twitternya. memang kedengerannya klise, but somehow aku ngerasa tenang aja ga ngeliat nama dia lagi di handphone dan di socmed aku. aku jadi lebih bisa ikhlas, lebih gampang menjauh, dan jadi lebih menjaga diri aku sendiri dari yang namanya 'kepo too much'. and yeah, ga kepo itu bikin hidup kita jauuuuuuuuuuhhhh lebih tenang :')

terserah dia sekarang mau ngelakuin apa. i just want to live my life better.

terimakasih untuk semuanya. aku sangat belajar banyak dari semua kejadian ini :')

thankyou and goodbye, Mr. Guardian :')

Boyce Avenue feat Fifth Harmony – Mirrors

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror

And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine

If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find

Just know that I'm always paralel out on the other side

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul

I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go

Just put your hand on the grass, I'm here tryin' to pull you through

You just gotta be strong

Cause I don't wanna lose you now

I'm lookin' right at the other half of me

The vacancy that sat in my heart

Is a space, but now you're home

Show me how to fight for now

And I'll tell you baby, it was easy

Comin' back into you once I figured it out

You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me

I couldn't get any bigger

With anyone else beside of me

And now it's clear as this promise

That we're making two reflections into one

Cause it's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Aren't you somethin', an original, cause it doesn't seem really as simple

And I can't help but stare cause I see truth somewhere in your eyes

I can't ever change without you, you reflect me, I love that about you

And if I could, I would look at us all the time

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul

I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go

Just put your hand on the grass, I'm here tryin' to pull you through

You just gotta be strong

Cause I don't wanna lose you now

I'm lookin' right at the other half of me

The vacancy that sat in my heart

There's a space, but now you're home

Show me how to fight for now

And I'll tell you baby, it was easy

Comin' back into you once I figured it out

You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me

I couldn't get any bigger

With anyone else beside of me

And now it's clear as this promise

That we're making two reflections into one

Cause it's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Yesterday is history

Tomorrow's a mystery, mystery

I can see you lookin' back at me

Keep your eyes on me

Yeah, keep your eyes on me

Cause I don't wanna lose you now

I'm lookin' right at the other half of me

The vacancy that sat in my heart

There's a space, but now you're home

Show me how to fight for now

And I'll tell you baby, it was easy

Comin' back into you once I figured it out

You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me

I couldn't get any bigger

With anyone else beside of me

And now it's clear as this promise

That we're making two reflections into one

Cause it's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Show me how to fight for now

Cause I don't wanna lose you now

It's like you're my mirror